Funeral of Lt Cdr Norman Robert Brookhouse RN

11 May 2023 - Yesterday, Martyn Holloway and your humble Webmaster Rob Hoole attended the funeral of our fellow MCDOA member Norman Brookhouse (see News article for 21 Apr 2023) at The Oaks Crematorium in Havant. As can be seen from the scanned pages of the Order of Service below, it followed a simple secular format.

I was surprised and delighted to find that the celebrant for the service was Gary ‘Nick’ Carter who had been a first-job AB(MW) in the only GRP-variant Ton class minehunter HMS WILTON while I was her 1st Lt in 1977/78. WILTON enjoyed a highly successful deployment with STANAVFORCHAN (NATO’s Standing Naval Force Channel, since re-named SNMCMG1 (Standing NATO Mine Countermeasures Group 1)) during which we were awarded the group’s efficiency trophy for our minehunting prowess.

Apart from Martyn and me, MCDOA members present included Julian Malec OBE with his wife Margy, and Jon Riches.

Here are the opening words by Nick Carter, the celebrant:

“Good afternoon and welcome to The Oaks Crematorium where we come together in love and respect to celebrate the life and the legacy of Norman Brookhouse. My name is Nick Carter and I’m an independent Celebrant who has the pleasure of hearing about some amazing people and Norman was such a person.

It is always an honour to be asked to speak on behalf of family and friends about someone who means so much to you and I am privileged to lead today’s service. I did not have the pleasure of knowing Norman but having sat with Rita, Helen and Deborah for a time, it is no surprise that he should have meant so much to those who did know him. Indeed, it transpires that he and I very likely shared the same NAAFI queue at some time as we were knocking around HMS VERNON as it was in the 1980s. But that’s a part of Norman’s story that his good friend Julian will expand on shortly.

So today is a sad occasion because we’re here to say ‘Goodbye’ to a gentleman. We should also remember however how Norman came to be part of your lives and recall those precious memories that you all share.

In the short time that we have together here in this Chapel, we cannot do justice to the full and unabridged version of this remarkable man. We can however hope to start the process of filling that Norman Brookhouse-shaped hole that you each have in your hearts with memories. Memories of which you are each now custodians. Through words and actions, Norman will live on in YOUR hearts and YOUR minds.

Norman was born on 9th August 1935 at Orpington in Kent to parents Beth and Frank. He was the older Brother to Peter and in due course would be Pa to Deborah and Helen, Grandad to Ewan, Eleanor and Jake, Great Grandad to Harry, Callum and Grace and he loved you all very much.

Because of Frank’s work, there followed family moves to Leicester and Pinner near Harrow and the young Norman gained an education at Merchant Taylor’s Prep School before joining the Royal Navy at the Britannia Royal Naval College, Dartmouth as a Junior Officer aged 18.

There followed a varied and adventurous career with HM Royal Navy and to describe this more fully, I will now hand over to his lifelong friend Julian.”

Here are the words of Norman’s lifelong friend Julian Malec:

“In my service in the Royal Navy I met a number of great men. Norman Brookhouse was one.

Norman attended The Merchant Taylors’ School, where he was a naval cadet. This led him in 1954 to join the Royal Navy at Britannia Royal Naval College Dartmouth. After Dartmouth, “not liking” he said “the other choices available to him”, he joined the Submarine Service being promoted to Lieutenant in 1957. By 1958 he was 5th hand in a submarine when, while doing underwater Noise Trials in Loch Fyne, he met and fell for the Royal Naval Scientific Service Officer who was conducting the trial. He and Rita married in 1958. He left the Submarine Service because he said “he liked fresh air”, and in 1962 after a six-month course at HMS VERNON, now alas, Gunwharf Quays Shopping Centre, (how the mighty are fallen), Norman qualified in Minewarfare and Clearance Diving. In 1964 he was appointed Damage Control, and Diving Officer of the aircraft carrier HMS Albion. Damage Control Officer is one of those tiresome jobs where you will only know how successful you have been after some disaster occurs. Here he shared a cabin with Bernard Cassidy who became a life-long friend and is sitting with us today.

After a short period in charge of the Plymouth Command Clearance Diving Team he was selected in 1968 to command HMS BEACHAMPTON, a Ton class minesweeper, in Bahrain. His First Lieutenant at that time told me that Norman and he took over an unhappy ship, but with good teamwork they turned it round.

By 1969 he returned to HMS VERNON as Head of Instructional Mine-warfare, a top job in this very specialised field. So for six months in 1969 he became my boss while I too was training to become a Minewarfare Clearance Diving Officer. Our course were a rowdy lot and we caused Norman some problems, but he dealt with us brilliantly. It was a good lesson for us.

In 1971 he was selected to join the Leander Class frigate HMS PHOEBE as First Lieutenant. This is always a demanding job, and usually given to officers who are expected to rise in the Service. Norman had been tipped as a high flier.

Alas it was not to be. One day when HMS PHOEBE was heading west into the Atlantic, Norman and a group of men were on the foc’sle re-securing the anchor cables, when the ship dipped her bow deep into a large wave which washed over them. The whole team were rolled over and over down the foc’sle until they came to stop at the bridge screen. In being rolled by the wave Norman’s face had been dashed against a ring bolt proud of the deck. This broke his cheekbone into fragments some of which smashed his right eye beyond repair.

Sadly Norman’s seagoing career was over. After treatment and convalescence he served ashore in HMS VERNON, and HMS LOCHINVAR in Scotland. In 1978 he changed direction completely and qualified as one of the specialist Naval Welfare officers. In this role he built a reputation for being sympathetic and pragmatic while giving real help to people in trouble.

Norman retired from the Active list of the Royal Navy in 1985. I was proud to know him, and be his friend and we met fairly often. In all our meetings I never ever heard him complain.“

These words were then spoken by Norman’s daughter Deborah:

“Our father gave us the greatest gift that anyone can give to another person - he believed in us. I’m not sure how to describe him to you - you already have a a measure of the true gentleman he was. Here are a few memories.

Pa taught us love and loyalty. Even when he wasnn’t there in person, Dad was there.

Once, when he was away on a ship in the Far East, he read bedtime stories to us that he recorded on to a reel-to-reel tape and sent home to us - one each night, enough to keep him with us. The book was called ‘The Tales of Golden Hamster’ and I still have the book. When he came home after many months away, Helen didn’t recognise him due to his deep suntan and she refused to talk to this strange man!

He taught us courage and determination. After his accident, he was most put out when someone suggested that he might not be able to play squash anymore. So, we played endless games of badminton with him, so that he could learn to re-gauge distances. He never got despondent, just laughed at his mistakes. When I, too, was very ill, I tried to follow his lead - but he was a hard act to follow.”

These words were spoken by Norman’s daughter Helen:

“His glass eye led to a hilarious incident on a huge sandy beach in Brittany. Pa was swimming and and his eye dislodged in the sea. At once, he offered a prize of an extra-large ice-cream to whoever found it. We all searched with little hope of finding it, even enlisting the help of some local cockle-pickers. Unbelievably, I found the eye rolling on the sand and, needless to say, I enjoyed the ice-cream!

There was one part of holidays that was not enjoyed, at least by Mum. Dad never shaved while we were away so, although his hair was dark, he would have a grey beard by the time we got home. We would pull up outside the house and Dad would be sent to shave, even before unpacking the car. Ever keen to have fun, he would shave in stages, appearing with a different selection of beards and moustaches that got progressively smaller. But they were all rejected by Mum, until he was clean-shaven again.

Pa always knew the answers or, if he didn’t, he would go above and beyond to find out. He would do anything for anyone. Before coming for a visit, he would ask for a job list but there was one golden rule - “I don’t do plumbing!”

There was one notable occasion, however, when his fix was not successful. He re-tiled the bathroom wall and was very pleased with himself. A little while later, there was a loud crash and… there wasn’t a single tile left on the wall!

When Jake was little, my baby-sitter cancelled at the last minute when I was going to a Christmas party. Pa caught the coach up to Heathrow and a bus to my house (about a five-hour trip), returning home the following morning.

Pa had a wonderful sense of humour - he attended a fancy dress party, dressed as himself. However, he had changed the colour of his false eye. Many people spent the entire night trying to work out what was different.

The world is a lesser place without Pa in it, but it is a better place because he was there.”

These words were spoken by Norman’s grandson Jake:

“I remember the day I told Nana and Grandad that ian and I were having a baby.. They jumped up with joy and delight that they were going to be great-grandparents. From that moment on, the love that they showed me carried down to my own children. Even at the age of 87, Grandad would get down on the floor and play with the children.

I remember my son Harry playing with bricks, building a tower and knocking it down. Grandad rebuilt the tower just to watch the smile and hear Harry’s laughter as he knocked it down again.

I asked Harry to think of a good memory about Grandad and he reminded me of the time we went for a walk to the beach and Grandad showed Harry how to skim stones on the water. Harry said Grandad was amazing at it!

When I was younger, Grandad and I used to ride on our bikes down to Bedhampton. We would head for the park, sit on the swings, then head to the bridge to wait for the trains to pass underneath. We would always wave to the driver and hope for a toot back.

More special moments were on our summer holidays spent camping in France. My Mum, Nana, Grandad and I would travel around different campsites. Once, on the day we were heading home, I woke up and all I could see was the sky. I panicked, wondering where my tent had gone and, as I sat up, there was Grandad full of smiles and laughter - he had packed up the tent around me while I was still sleeping.

But the true inspiration that I will take and follow in his footsteps, is the true love and devotion he showed my Nana. He was a true gentleman and even to the age of 87, would always make time to go for a walk, arm in arm and hand in hand the whole way.”

These words were spoken by Norman’s grandson Ewan:

“My Grandad, or Norman as most of you will know him, never failed to bring a smile to the face of everyone around him. I know today he would not want us to be sad or make a fuss.. he would want us to remember the many happy times we had together and to be joyous of them. Grandad would always greet me with a big smile and a 'Hello mate!' whenever we met. His calm manner never failed to cheer even a grey day.

As a young child I used to be amazed by many amazing slides on the projector of faraway places he and my Nana had visited, something that instilled my own yearning to see other parts of the world. When I managed to go to the Great Pyramid in Egypt I sent a photo to Grandad and was returned a picture of a young Mr Brookhouse sat on the very top of the great pyramid. Something you would certainly not be allowed to do today. I was amazed and a little jealous also.

Grandad was very quick to embrace technology and always took an interest in any new gadget I may have arrived at his house with. We often exchanged emails and his round robin family emails of cartoons from newspapers, giant pumpkins, animals and plants seen on walks or in the garden and generally kind natured chat were always a welcome break from my regular inbox traffic. He often sent pictures of the fashion pages from the paper and used to make Ellie guess the prices for two thousand pound shoes that were once called the broken egg stilletos.

When we were little we once built what Ellie and I considered to be a giant tree fortress in the woods near Nana and Grandad’s house. In reality it was a large amount of sticks that I forced my poor Grandad to stack up against a big yew tree. I believe it is still standing to this day and has clearly been maintained by other passers-by over the years. I would always ask if we could go and see the treehouse when we were due a walk.

Grandad loved a good joke, really, the kind to be found on a Christmas cracker. For example, “What did the policeman say to his belly button?”

“You're under a vest.”

Above all things there was nothing my Grandad loved more than my Nana Rita. Their many years of happy marriage is something I will always admire and adore.

I know we could all use some of Grandad’s kind positive and calming manner at a time like this and hope we can all deal with his passing not in grief but more as a celebration of such a lovely gentleman.

Thank you all greatly for coming today. I hope to share memories of happy times with Grandad later on.”

Nick Carter, the Celebrant, ended the service with these closing words:

“And if Norman’s career in the Royal Navy wasn’t action packed enough, upon leaving the service to join the Social Services in Chichester, outside of work, he and his soulmate Rita (with whom he was married to for 64 years) would continue their adventures, travelling to parts of the world that most of us have only read about. They loved walking and their adventures took them to places such as Scotland, Wales and France closer to home whilst visits to more exotic destinations such as Morocco, Turkey, and Venice were frequent. Indeed, the family home is a treasure trove of memorabilia from their travels and Rita told me that their favourite place ever was Zermatt in Switzerland, travelling by horse and Carriage when they weren’t climbing the lower slopes of the famous Matterhorn.

Helen and Deborah agreed that their usual family holidays did not include a week or so on a Cornish beach, rather two or three weeks walking and climbing in locations such as the Pyrenees and French Alps.

Spare time – and I’m surprised that they found any – was spent founding and administrating groups such as The Friends Of Langstone Harbour and the local Resident’s Association with whom they were active for many years.

I asked Rita, Helen and Deborah if they could describe Norman in three words and they couldn’t really. There were insufficient adjectives but in describing their personal moments with this special man, it was evident that love and happiness were forever present.

Words that others have used to describe Norman include Organised, Helpful and Respected.

With his wife Rita, Norman Brookhouse made his mark on the world before leaving us on 21st April this year.

So death comes to us all. But if, in our grieving, we are able to accept the unity and completeness of the natural order and believe that to die means only the end of our physical form, we will be able to look death in the face with honesty, dignity and calm.

To everything there is a season A time to be born, a time to live and a time to die.

Here, in this last act, in sorrow but also in love and appreciation for his life, we commit to our memories Norman’s character and personality.

His loves and ideals we commit to our hearts.

We say Farewell to Norman with our love and respect and our gratitude for being part of our lives.

He was unique. He was and always will be part of your lives.

Norman lived a good life. He is now at peace, happy with all that he gave to this world and your love goes with him.

So yes, be sad, but not for too long. He would not want that.

Norman, you are no longer bound by this world but part of it. No longer tied to one one place or time but free to travel and climb and skim pebbles across the water wherever and whenever you like. You made others happy and there can be no greater legacy. So we ask that you go now with the love of your family.

At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter.
At the opening of the buds and in the re-birth of Spring.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of Summer,
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of Autumn,
You will be remembered.

Bravo Zulu Sir. May you now rest in eternal peace.”

After the service, we had the opportunity to catch up with Admiral Sir Nigel Essenhigh GCB DL, former Commander-in-Chief Fleet and First Sea Lord. He was Norman’s 1st Lt in HMS BEACHAMPTON in the Gulf and a lifelong friend ever after.

After the service, many of us repaired to the Wheelwrigh Arms in Havant to drink to Norman’s memory. I am sure all members of our community will join me in extending our deepest condolences to Norman’s wife Rita and their family on their sad loss.

N.B. The MCDOA has donated £100 to Sightsavers in Norman’s memory, as requested by the family in lieu of a floral tribute.